if only you were here...i miss you, my dear...

there's one thing i hate about holiday...
guess??

bored??
of course, that's absolutely true...
lonely??
another true fact...

there's another one you should know why sometimes i hate holiday...
i will get stressed out, and then i'll cry...
o.0...
yeah, you heard it right...
i don't know for how many times i have shed a million tears during this holiday...
last month, once..
then again, i think i just did it last night...

care to know the reason why?
i'm not telling...
one thing for sure, it was caused by my family...
but i can't totally blame them..
maybe i'm being over-sensitive...
probably..
but they were talking behind my back...
i hate it...
don't they have any better thing to do??

i hate it very much when people talk behind my back...
especially what they were talking about are the bad ones...

again, i'll not tell you what they were talking about...
i locked myself in my room and burst out...
i keep on asking myself, 'What did I do wrong?'
tears poured down from my eyes continuosly, non-stop..
i keep on crying...
with the sad songs played in my mp3, the tears kept flowing...
clutching Tezuka's picture and my handphone in my hand, i cried...

i stared at Tezuka's picture...
i felt pain...
i felt hurt...
i felt lonely...
i feel vulnerable...
i keep on staring at his picture, and i feel as if he was staring back at me...

"Why are you not exist in this world?" I questioned in my mind...
"Why?! If you are here, I don't have to go through all these pain. I can't stand it alone, I'm not strong enough as you are. I hate when you walkaway from me in the dream, I hate when you leave me alone. I just want you to be here with me. I missed you. I missed your warm embrace. Don't you know that how much I love you?" I said, clutching his picture firmly with my tears keep pouring down....
The same question and sentence keep on playing in my mind...
The before i realized, I fell asleep with Tezuka's picture in my hand and the tears had stopped flowing...

Dark...
It was dark...
I hate dark...
"Anyone out there?" I asked...
[No answer]
I was standing alone in the darkness and chill started to surround me...
Tezuka's picture still in my hand...
I hold it firmly and bring it close to my chest...
I closed my eyes...

Suddenly, I felt a warm embrace around me...
It was so warm and it made me feel calm...
Before I realized, my hands move at its own acccord..
I hold back the arms around my neck...
I turned around and raised my head...

I was surpised to see a pair of light brown eyes in front of me...
Am I dreaming?
This can't be true, right?
Tezuka Kunimitsu, the name popped in my head..
My beloved person, Tezuka Kunimitsu is right here before my eyes...
I moved my hands to his face and hold his face...
I caressed his white face...
This is not a dream, right Tezuka?
Then, he smiled at me...
I widened my eyes in disbelievement...
My eyes started to suffuse with tears...
I can't hold it any longer...
I don't want him to see me like this...
I can't hold it...
Then, tears started to flow down on my cheeks...

Tezuka brought his hand to the side of my face...
He hold it like that; just like what I did to him...
"It's okay, I'm here for you. Just let it out," he said in low voice with a smile...
Immediately, I hugged him and cried...
My face buried in his chest as I cried...
I cried, cried and cried...
"Where've you been? I've been waiting for you," I asked...
Tezuka didn't say anything as he tighten the embrace...
I felt warm...
This is the first time I felt warmness like this...
"Please don't leave me again," I said...
"Okay. I'll be here for you, always and forever," Tezuka replied back...
I didn't say anything...

I want to stay like this...
I want to stay like this forever...
I just want to be with you, Tezuka...

Suddenly, I heard a ringing sound...
*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*
What's that sound?
Can anyone please keep it quiet...
The sound continued to ring...
I slightly open my eyes just to reach the direction of the sound and keep it quiet...

All of a sudden, all the warmness that I felt before had gone...
I opened my eyes and surprised that I was alone on my bed in my room...
I just stared at the ceiling and try to register what had happened...
I woke up only just to find that everything happened is just a dream...
"It's all just a dream," I said in my heart...

Even if it's just a dream, the warmness that I felt is like a real one..Thanks for being there, Tezuka...Although just for a moment, being alone with you is already enough for me...I love you, Tezuka...Always and forever..